If you have an opinion of how I should be, live my life, do/say this or that... by all means, let it be known. I'll listen, consider... but ultimately... it's MY life. These are MY choices, and I will do what I damn well feel like. So if I don't follow your ideal path for me, let it go. Don't try to preach or shove your opinion down my throat. It's the fastest way to be pushed away from me. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts/opinions/what have you... I'll respect yours, so respect mine. If you don't agree... learn how to agree to disagree.
Guilt... a sticker I will never truly be able to shed, but I can try. It eats at me. A simple look, sound, gesture... they may mean a lot more to me than you intend. It's because I care, about certain peoples thoughts, feelings, etc. I tend to put those ahead of what I want. I'd rather be unhappy than see someone else feel down. But with all the negative that surrounds me, I have to remember to keep my chin up and look to the positive. Sometimes that's easier said than done, but its vital for me. Just know that sometimes, your actions/words hit a wound you didn't know existed, and it hurts, deeply.
I have to stop pushing those I care most about away because I'm scared. Fear needs to just go away. Another thing that probably isn't completely possible, but I'll make a valiant effort. I'm so scared I'll lose the one I love most. Scared I'll let you down, I wont be enough or what you want. Terrified... that I'll make you unhappy. The fear of falling back down is constantly there, and losing myself. I'm tired of feeling lost.
Is it That important that I answer the phone before the 3rd ring? Seriously, get over yourself... use the extra hand & ear God gave you and pick up the phone yourself. This is a prime example of one of the stupid negatives that add up... don't let the little things mean so much. After a while the pile keeps growing and gets to be too much. It's time to stop suffocating myself with minute details. Shit happens, gotta let it go and move on.
Please stop making me feel like working out is what makes me Me. Yes, it was something I did a great deal... when I had time, when I felt strong. I don't have the same time, or strength. Let me work my way back up. Hitting rock bottom sucks, and it takes time to climb back out of that hole. It doesn't just happen over night. But just because it was something I did a lot, doesn't mean it's who I am now.
I'm trying to figure that part out all over again. Patience and understanding is what I need. Not pushiness or overbearing opinions. Telling me what I need won't get you anywhere. Listening and sometimes space is what works well. I need to identify these "stickers" and figure out how to shed them. Hopefully it won't be as impossible as it sounds....
