About Me

Monday, March 30, 2009

Procrastination

I'm probably one of the worst procrastinators of all time. It's quite sad really; but as hard as I try to improve, I put even that off! :)

My therapist told me the other day that apparently it's a sign of depression. Well, considering all of the people out there that procrastinate, does that mean pretty much everyone is depressed? That's a disheartening thought! And here I was feeling like my mood had gotten better and I was healing. However, I think that it's a symptom for those people who didn't already procrastinate. 

I've never considered myself to be a very assertive person. That's something I'd like to change. Going with the flow is how I've primarily lived my life. But that's not necessarily the best route. Like most things, there needs to be a balance. Knowing when to assert myself, and when to ride the waves is something I'm learning; slow but surely.  

Monday, March 2, 2009

John 1:38

38 Jesus looked around and saw them following. “What do you want?” he asked them.

What do I want?...

I'm struck by this simple, yet complex question. Sure I've filled out surveys asking this very question, but I haven't Really figured it out. It is something that is always changing, yet the same. I want to be happy. I want to feel wanted & loved. I want to know my purpose in this life. I want my family & friends to be safe and happy. I want to be financially secure. There are sooo many things I want; but at the root of it all...what do I want? 

With millions of layers to the question, there are just as many answers. But what is the right answer? Is there one? I know that without God, nothing is possible. So should I simply say that I want God in my life, to guide me down that path He has chosen for me? I just don't know.

I've felt this nagging feeling of being useless, as if I have no purpose. Or that I'm floating, unsure of where I need to be or what I need to be doing. And beyond that, what the reason for my being is. Am I here on this Earth to accomplish something? Big or small? Will I have any impact on one life, or many? Is there a chance that I am simply here to be here, and enjoy life as it comes? Ugh! So many questions that form out of this one question. It is not a small or simple question. But maybe it could be...Who is to say?